Hello All,
Just thought I would update our CRAZY week last week, I know you are all on the edge of your seat wondering what things have been happening here, but wait no more, here it is!!!
I'll start with Monday, the day starts out our "normal", and Liam and I have an appointment at the Center for Behavioral Intervention at noon. I pick him up from school and head out to Mokena, Liam was excited to start therapy. He met Hakeem and went into the gym with him and I went with one of the owners Stephanie to get things started. Liam brought his lunch in with him so he sat down to eat and , as always he had a Pepsi, one of his new obsessions. After about a half an hour Stephanie leaves the office for something and when she returned she told me Liam was throwing Pepsi cans at Hakeem, I assumed it was his empty can from his lunch, so I didn't think anything of it. Well about 5 minutes later I look out and Liam had gotten out of the building, got into my van, found a 12 pack of Pepsi in the back and was throwing full cans at Hakeem and Stephanie. I went out there and got him in the building, screaming of course, with him telling me Hakeem had kicked him, won't leave him alone, ect.. He was beyond out of control, or so I thought. They were only able to get through 1/4 of the pre assesment, so we made an appointment to go back on weds. Stephanie told me we were "in crisis mode, and I couldn't agree more. Monday night, Liam decided to tell me some things he doesn't like about therapy, i.e. "I was excited to start therapy but this isn't the place for me!" "These people got the wrong training because I don't think they know what they are doing!" and my personal favorite, "I can't believe you pay these people to make me unhappy!!!!"
and then we went back on weds, He was flipping out!!! Big Jer met me out there and it broke his heart. Liam was putting up a HUGE fight, screaming, kicking, hitting, trashing the office, trying to dump the fishtank, and finally succeding in pulling the fire alarm. At first he was very angry, then he started begging to come with us, I also had Maura and Liam with me. Big Jer was very upset, I felt horriable, but maybe not as bad as I could have, I am at the end of my rope. Jeremiah is SO embarrassed by Liam, that is another blog, but this place has sibling classes!!! I am beyond happy!!! I took Jeremiah and Maura home and Jerry went to get something to eat and went back to pick up Liam, I had a block party meeting going on in my yard so I had to get home. On my way out I passed the fire truck. I can't believe how calm the staff is, They keep telling me its ok, and everything is going to get better, and for the first time since we started this journey I found some people I believe will help our family!!! Then we went back friday, I picked the kids up from school and Liam RAN over to meet me to tell me he wasn't going to therapy, when I told him he was, the screaming started. My wonderful neighbors kept Maura and Jeremiah so they didn't have to listen to Liam scream for the 40 minute ride out there.On our way out there Liam ripped up tons of paper, tried to throw his socks out the window, told me he was going to poison me, tear down the therapy building, ect... and ripped up my leather seat!! When we got there 3 of the AWESOME staff came out to get him into the building. Liam wasn't going without a huge fight, he slapped one of the girls across the face, Hakeem was sitting behind him telling me not to react, it went against every fiber of my parent being not to scream at him and crack his butt. Stephanie called after about 15 minutes of us trying to get him out of the car and said I should get him in the building, so I picked him up and grabbed his hand and started towards the door, Hakeem grabbed his other hand. Next thing I know Liam bit my arm HARD!!! Another thing I had to not react to. I brought him in the door and said goodbye and he started trying to get out, at first mad, then begging to come with me. It is truly heartbreaking to leave him like that, but I know deep down in my heart this is what we have to do for the good of all of us!!
 Big Jer and I got away for a night thanks to some wonderful friends, Jenni and Tim Knight, who kept the kids and took them to Fisher Fest for 2 days, and Linda and Dan Meyer that keep my other baby, Tinky. We just went to Schaumberg, ate at Bennihanna, drank at Wildfire, and slept in bed WITHOUT children or dogs. Speaking of dogs, we got a pug. I know what you're thinking, "What the hell is wrong with her??" Jeremiah has had a fasination with Pugs for about a year, his friend from school and baseball moved and couldn't take their dog with, which happened to be a pug. Jeremiah has had and will continue to have a tough time being Liams twin, so we caved and took the dog.
Well thats all for now,thanks for listening, and now go do something on this beautiful day, Love you all, Dawn

Hi Everyone,
 We had a very busy day here at the McNamara household. I took Liam for his first evaluation at The Center for Behavior Intervention, and he HATED it, the caps are not big enough to tell you how much he HATED it!!! It started out fine, actually we had the best morning we've had in a while. We got there at about noon and were greeted by one of the wonderful owners, Stephanie, I liked her right away, Liam went off with a therapist to start to be begin his journey, and I went with Stephanie to get things started on my end. After about 20 minutes Stephanie left the room to go get something, when she came back in she told me Liam had run out of the building, got in my van, and was throwing Pepsi cans at his therapist. I waited about 5 minutes and then I went out there. Liam had found a 12 pack of his Pepsi in the back of the van and used it as a weapon. I got him back in the building, and he went back in the gym. I must say the staff there were wonderful. I answered a bunch of questions, filled out a bunch of forms, toured the school, and got some great info. For the first time I feel like we are on the right track, I'm just not sure because it seems too good, if that makes sense.
Our life around here has been hell, and the chaos is taking its toll on everyone. I feel like these people will help us take back control. To all of you people that know my parenting style, I'm pretty no nonsense. I just have no idea when I lost control. Or did I ever have control??? I cannot wait to start getting some calm back into our home. I know we are going to always have to work at this, it just doesn't need to be this hard all the time.
We are going 3 times this week, and they are going to do therapy in out house. Stephanie told me the best and quickest way was to go there and do home visits, they regain control, and then transfer it to us. Sounds like a plan to me!!!!
Liam can't tell me enough how much he hates it. I love that. He knows these people are on to him, he's not going to get out of this one. I LOVE it!!! If he liked it, I would be worried, just another person that let him do what he wants.
The kids there were so calm, so compliant, everything I want for our house. Also they don't believe in restraining  the kids, they also talked so nice to them, and no it wasn't because I was there, I could tell.
Right now I wish I could fast forward this part of our life to a part I know is going to be better!!
On a different note I was laying down with Maura tonight and when I said goodnight I love you very much, in a very sleepy voice she said I love you more. Thats why I fight for my kids and want to make the best possible home for them, because we all deserve it!!! We love each other, and we are going to fight this monster called Aspergers that tries to rob us of all things good. I'm a little bitter at the moment, and ready for a fight!!
Thanks for reading, now get off this computer and do something constructive!!!
Love you all,
 Dawn

Hi All,
I haven't written in a while, so here goes. Liam has had a rough go of things lately, the start of the school year is tough for him. A new teacher, new room, some different kids in his classroom, ect. I hear moms so excited when school starts, I don't feel that way because it takes Liam about 2 months to settle in, and his behavior becomes worse at home. On top of this, his doctor changed his medicine, just a the look of different pill set him off. Too much change for the poor guy. It is hard for me to have patience with this, but damn it ,I try!!!  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I lose it and have a meltdown of my own, and trust me, its not a pretty site.
I took Maura to the doctor yesterday and she might have whooping cough. The test for whooping cough is to stick a q-tip like thing up your nose really far, she did great!!! This morning Liam woke up and he sounds like Maura when he coughs, great!! I called the doctor and asked if we had to do the test on him, we would need at least 3 people to hold him down and 1 to hold his head, and 1 to try to give him the test, great. We are waiting till Monday to see if he needs meds. He has been sleeping since 8 this morning and Maura is bouncing off the walls.
Jeremiah is another issue, he is starting to be very embarrassed by Liam. I get it, we were all embarrassed by our siblings, but he is in the same grade as his brother, on the same baseball team, has a lot of the same friends, he never gets a break. Jerry and I have been trying to explain things to him about how he is the only brother you'll have, ect. I hope we are doing the right thing. Jer isn't forced to be with Liam all the time, it just seems to work out that way. And yes, they are in different classrooms. I have been sneaking Jer out at night to have some alone time with me, I think I'm enjoying it as much as he is. One thing it has done is opened my eyes up to is how relaxed I am without Liam, I'm not always looking at where he is because he will wander away, get upset, scream, ect. I hope I never resent Liam for this, I know in my mind he can't help somethings, but I know people can have resentment without realizing it. I pray I don't.
Maura has also giving me a run for my money with school, she cries going into school, but is fine once she's inside. Last Tuesday Liam had a very bad morning, so I was talking to him in the car. Maura kept coming up to the van waiting for me to stand with her in line. When I rolled down the window for the 3rd time to tell her I would be right there, she said something that broke my heart,"Are you dealing with Liam?" Sometimes I feel bad that this disorder had robbed us so many things, other times I know this will help my kids have a better understanding of people with disabilities.
Speaking of having my heart broken, the other night we were coming home from baseball practice and Jer was being not so nice to Liam in the car. I told Jer, "the last thing Liam needs is you being mean to him, he has a lot of people being mean to him." and Liam said," Yeah Jer, when people are mean to me, I just go with it." Because he doesn't react when other kids are mean to him everyone thinks he doesn't care, or he can handle it, well he feels the same way everyone feels, he just can't show it. Also some kids just don't talk to Liam because "he's weird". He told me he wants to be the most popular kid in his grade, I am going in to his class to let some of the kids know how he thinks. Pray for me that I say the right things, Liam is excited about this, and so is Jeremiah. I'm hoping there will be a better understanding of Aspergers when I'm done, and I think it will relieve some anxiety that both boys have. We are lucky that the kids in the boys grade are really nice kids, except for a few.
Well I have rambled on long enough,
Thanks for letting me bend your ear!!
Dawn